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Blonde Jokes


Blonde Jokes

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: A:It is the one with the kickstand.

Q: a blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: a blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "where did you get that?"
A: the pig says, "i won her in a raffle!"

Q: a blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: but why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: wishful thinking.

Q: did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: she missed the earth!

Q: did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: did you hear about the blond with a masters degree in psychology?
A: she'll blow your mind, too.

Q: did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: they went to see "closed for the winter".

Q: did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: did you hear about the blonde doctor?
A: she shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: she kept having affairs with men!

Q: did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: the spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
A: well, now she is making money on the side.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. Radio?
A: it took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror With her eyes closed?
A: she wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her Husband's car?
A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: she believed him.

Q: did you hear about the conceited blonde?
A: she screams her own name when she comes.

Q: did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: it's called maids - if the don't get one, they die.

Q: did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: they take off their makeup.

Q: did you hear about the new slogan for miss clairol's hair dye?
A: buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

Q: did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: she missed.

Q: do you know why the blonde got fired from the m&m factory?
A: for throwing out the w's.

Q: how can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: by the chipped tooth.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: by the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: a bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the Bosses' faces.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: she has a checkbook.

Q: how can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: by the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: how can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: there is a stamp on it.

Q: how can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: she is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering What she did with her pencil.

Q: how did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: she fell out of the tree.

Q: how did the blonde burn her nose?
A: bobbing for french fries.

Q: how did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: the cow fell on her.

Q: how did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: she was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: how did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: she threw it off a cliff.

Q: how do blonde brain cells die?
A: alone.

Q: how do you brainwash a blonde?
A: give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: how do you change a blonde's mind?
A: blow in her ear, or
buy her another beer.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: you don't. They're born that way.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: ask her to alphabetize a bag of m&ms.

Q: how do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: flattered.

Q: how do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: how do you drown a blond?
A: put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: don't tell her to swallow.
A3: leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: how do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: come.

Q: how do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: tell her she's pregnant.

Q: how do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: shine a torch in her ears.

Q: how do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: wave to her.

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy?
A: write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: how do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (i'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: how do you know a blond likes you?
A: she screws you two nights in a row.

Q: how do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: her crayons are still sticky.

Q: how do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: you find m&m shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: how do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: how do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: how do you plant dope?
A: bury a blonde.

Q: how do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: the bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: how do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A: she drops her nail-file!
A2: who cares?
A3: she says, "next".
A4: the next person taps you on the shoulder.

Q: how does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: she takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over beg.

Q: how does a blond kill a fish?
A: she drowns it.

Q: how does a blond spell farm?
A: e-i-e-i-o

Q: how does a blonde commit suicide?
A: she gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: how does a blonde high-5?
A: she smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: how does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: by the ears.

Q: how does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: a 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: how does a blonde like her eggs?
A: unfertilized.

Q: how does a blonde measure his/her I.Q.?
A: with a tire gauge!

Q: how does a blonde moonwalk?
A: she pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: how does a blonde part their hair?
A: (action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: by doing splits.

Q: how does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
A: she puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: how does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: she opens the car door.

Q: how does the blonde car pool work?
A: they all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: how is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: you have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: how is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: you lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: how is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: they spread for the bread.

Q: how many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the Blow dryer!

Q: how many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip Cookies?
A: Tenů one to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&M's.
A2: three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
A: one.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: one.

Q: how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: if a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: the brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
A2: the brunette. The blonde is such an air head.

Q: santa claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart Blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 Bill. Who picks it up?
A: the dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: to a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: grade 4.

Q: what are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: third grade.

Q: what can save a dying blonde?
A: hair transplants.

Q: what did the blond say when she woke up under the cow?
A: what are you guys still doing here?

Q: what did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress after reading her name tag?
A: "'debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q: what did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: she peed on her corn flakes.

Q: what did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 5 miles of home?
A: she moved 10 miles away.

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
A: she stopped sucking.

Q: what did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: she turned it over and used the other side.

Q: what did the blonde get on her SAT?
A: nail polish!

Q: what did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: spot.

Q: what did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: she said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Q: what did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been Picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'no. But i've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: what did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless vase?
A: A "it's ok daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: what did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: what did the blonde say when she was trying to impress the physicist?
A: "why, i just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: what did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: she didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

Q: what did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date.
A: if you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: what did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: nothing - they've never met.

Q: what did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: thanks for the refill.

Q: what do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
A: they both go down easy.

Q: what do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: all you have to do is scratch the box to win

Q: what do a blonde and presdient gorbachev have in common?
A: they both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

Q: what do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: you don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: what do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
A2: you can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.

Q: what do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: they're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: what do blonde virgins eat?
A: baby food.

Q: what do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: they both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: what do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: they pull up their pants.

Q: what do blondes do for foreplay?
A: remove their underwear.

Q: what do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
A: pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: what do blondes say after sex?
A: thanks guys.
A2: are you boys all in the same band?
A3: do you guys all play for the same team
A4: that'll be $5.

Q: what do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: they both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: what do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: they both have black roots.

Q: what do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
A: you keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: what do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: air pockets.

Q: what do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: a wind tunnel.

Q: what do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: a dope ring.

Q: what do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: frosted flakes.

Q: what do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: an air mattress.

Q: what do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: a whine cellar.

Q: what do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: an air bag.

Q: what do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: sweet fuck all...

Q: what do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: a mental block.

Q: what do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.

Q: what do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: branch manager.

Q: what do you call a blonde in an institution of higher Learning?
A: a visitor.

Q: what do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: a waste.

Q: what do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A: cherry float

Q: what do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: a brunette with bad breath.

Q: what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: pregnant.

Q: what do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: divorced.

Q: what do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their Head?
A: all you can eat, under a buck.

Q: what do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: full.

Q: what do you call a blonde with e.s.p. and p.m.s.?
A: a know-it-all bitch.

Q: what do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: gifted!

Q: what do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: divorced.

Q: what do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: you don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: what do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: an interpreter.

Q: what do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: an air bag.

Q: what do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: a space invader.

Q: what do you call a room full of blonde women with yeast infections?
A: a whine and cheese party!

Q: what do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: last years hide and go seek winner.

Q: what do you call a smart blond?
A: a golden retriever.
A2: an indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: what do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: bobbing for bimbos.

Q: what do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: a brain tumor.

Q: what do you call an unmarried blond in a bmw?
A: divorcee'

Q: what do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: air bubbles.

Q: what do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: far-from-thinkin

Q: what do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: artificial intelligence.

Q: what do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: a vacant possession.

Q: what do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: what do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: what do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: run like hell... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: what do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

Q: what do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Q: what do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: change.

Q: what do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: two brunettes.

Q: what do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: penicillin.

Q: what do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "have another beer."

Q: what do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "nice tits!"

Q: what do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: the back of her head.

Q: what does "bones" mccoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "space. The final frontier......"

Q: what does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: they're both empty from the neck up.

Q: what does a blond say during a porno?
A: there I am!!

Q: what does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: they're both stuck up cunts!

Q: what does a blonde answer to the question "are you sexually active?"
A: "no, i just lie there."

Q: what does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: she picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: what does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: reservations.

Q: what does a blonde owl say?
A: what, what?

Q: what does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: her ankles.

Q: what does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: way to go team!

Q: what does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "thanks for the refill!"

Q: what does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: gee, are you sure it's mine?

Q: what does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: it's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: what does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: an Italian suppository.

Q: what does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A: they both have a black box.b A2: both have a cockpit.

Q: what does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: the more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: what does the Bermuda triangle and blondes have in common?
A: they've both swallowed a lot of seamen.

Q: what does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
A: having a wonderful time. Where am i?

Q: what goes vroom, screech,vroom, screech,vroom, screech?
A: a blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: what happens when a blonde gets alzheimers disease?
A: her iq goes up!

Q: what happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
A: she gets her ass chewed out.

Q: what important question does a blonde ask his/her mate Before having sex?
A: do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: what is 68 to a blonde?
A: where she goes down on you and you owe her 1.

Q: what is a bellybutton for?
A: it gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

Q: what is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: the air pump!

Q: what is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: pubic hair.

Q: what is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
A: the lousy view.

Q: what is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: a blond doing cartwheels.

Q: what is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A: a prostitoad.

Q: what is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: what is foreplay for a blonde?
A: thirty minutes of begging.

Q: what is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: data transfer.

Q: what is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: one that never misses a period.

Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: what is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: she can't say "no".

Q: what is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: ever-ready.

Q: what is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: they both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: what is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: a deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: what is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: not everyone has been in a 747

Q: what is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: a toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: you can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: you can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: there is no difference. They're both round and have Three holes to poke.
A4: you don't eat your bowling ball

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
A: prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: a shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: about 2 cans of hair spray

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of York?
A: the grand old duke of york only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: they know how many men went down on The Titanic.

Q: what is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
A: he is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: what is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: vaseline and poli-grip.

Q: what is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: what is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: some traffic signs say stop.

Q: what is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: butter is difficult to spread.

Q: what is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: what is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ?
A: you can also sit upright in a car.

Q: what is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: the blonde!
A2: the other guys waiting their turn.

Q: what is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: what is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: bucket seats.

Q: what job function does a blonde have in an m&m factory?
A: proofreading.

Q: what nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: b.j.

Q: what two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: her feet!

Q: what was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: an in-body experience!

Q: what was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
A: the world's first hemorrhoid transplant.

Q: what will she ask you?
A: "is it mine?"

Q: what's 5 miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: a blonde parade.

Q: what's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: humpme dumpme.

Q: what's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: locking the car door.

Q: what's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Bupply.

Q: whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: a blond electrician

Q: what's brown and red and black and blue?
A: a brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: what's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: a hundred dollar bill.

Q: what's the blonde's cheer?
A: " i'm blonde, i'm blonde, i'm b.l.o.n....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, i'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: what's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: a man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

Q: whats the differance between a fridge and a fanny?
A: a fridge dosn't fart when you take the meat out.

Q: what's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
A: ice cream cones don't lick back.

Q: what's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: you can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a blonde bitch?
A: a blonde will fuck anyone, a blonde bitch will fuck anyone but you.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: when you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: you only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: the blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
A: the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A: you need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: in the morning a rooster says, "cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: the shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: whats the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley.
A: a supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: you don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: you take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: one has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: it's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and president gorbachev?
A: he knows who the ten men were.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and the panama canal?
A: the panama canal is a busy ditch.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: what's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: a magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: what's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: one's a phony buck.

Q: what's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a schwinn at the side of the road?
A: one's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: what's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: lipstick.

Q: what's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, And a blonde?
A: the prostitute says "aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "are you done already?"
The blonde says "beige...i think i'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: what's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a Blonde track team?
A: the pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: what's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating jell-o?
A: jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: what's the difference between indiana and a blonde?
A: a blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: what's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: marriage.

Q: what's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: opens the car door.

Q: what's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: introduces themself.
A2: walks home.

Q: what's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "thanks, guys..."

Q: what's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: what's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "all the blondes have gone home!"
A2: has that blonde gone yet?
A3: when is that blond bitch going to leave!?

Q: what's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "next!"

Q: what's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: pick them up off the floor

Q: what's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
A: when her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

Q: where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: the vegetable garden.

Q: who makes a blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: free-to-lay.

Q: why are blonde's coffins y-shaped?
A: because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: why are blondes like pianos?
A: when they aren't upright, they're grand.

Q: why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: who cares?

Q: why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: who cares

Q: why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: so brunettes can remember them.
A2: because blondes are so shallow a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: the rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: peroxide.

Q: why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: they can't keep their calves together!

Q: why can't blondes count to 70?
A: because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: they always forget the recipe.

Q: why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: they keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: why can't blondes water-ski?
A: when they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

Q: why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven ?
A: she didn't know what one came first...

Q: why did god create blondes?
A: because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: why did god create brunettes?
A: neither could the blondes.

Q: why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: why did she finally pass her test?
A: she took the examiner with her

Q: why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: it said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: she wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: she heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: why did the blonde cross the road?
A: never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
A2: i don't know.
A:3 neither did she.

Q: why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: to turn the blinker off.

Q: why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: why did the blonde fail her drivers license test?
A: she wasn't used to the front seat!

Q: why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: her employer found out she was embezzling.

Q: why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

Q: why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
A: she wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

Q: why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: the balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Q: why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: from trying to blow out light bulbs.

Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: from crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Q: why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: in case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: so she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: the noise gave her a headache.

Q: why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: to see what was on the other side.

Q: why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: to see what was on the other side.

Q: why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: she realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: why did the blonde snort nutra-sweet?
A: she thought it was diet coke.

Q: why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: because it kept falling out.

Q: why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: she wanted to go on a round trip.

Q: why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: so her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: she saw "911" on the back and thought it was a porsche.

Q: why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: because she loved children.

Q: why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: so she wouldn't get hearing aides.

Q: why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
A: she heard that it reduces cavities.

Q: why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: so she could lip read.

Q: why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: she liked to be filled with cream.

Q: why did they stop doing the "wave" at BYU?
A: too many blondes were drowning.

Q: why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: she'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a Flat forehead?
A: finger on chin-i don't know. Hits forehead-oh i get it!

Q: why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *who cares?*

Q: why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: practice.

Q: why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: because they can spell it.

Q: why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: more leg room.

Q: why do blondes drive VW's
A: because they can't spell Porsche!!

Q: why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

Q: why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: they have to pull their own pants down.

Q: why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: why do blondes hate m&ms?
A: they're too hard to peel.

Q: why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: from dating blonde men.

Q: why do blondes have legs?
A: so they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: to get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: so they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: from eating with forks.

Q: why do blondes have more fun?
A: because they don't know any better.
A2: they are easier to keep amused.
A3: because they are easier to find in the dark.

Q: why do blondes have periods?
A: they deserve them

Q: why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: so they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: so that when they're on the train they can tell If they're going to work or coming home.

Q: why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: tits go in front.

Q: why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: toes go in first.

Q: why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: so that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: so they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Q: why do blondes have vaginas?
A: so guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: why do blondes like lightning?
A: they think someone is taking their picture.

Q: why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: more head room.

Q: why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

Q: why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: to cover up the valve stem.

Q: why do blondes take the pill?
A: so they know what day of the week it is.

Q: why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: to avoid the draft.

Q: why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: they have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: why do blondes wear panties?
A: to keep their ankles warm.

Q: why do blondes wear tampons?
A: because crabs like bungie jumping too.

Q: why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: to catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: to keep their legs together.

Q: why do blondes wear underwear?
A: they make good ankle warmers.

Q: why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: so you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: so they know when to stop having sex !

Q: why do men like blonde jokes??
A: because they can understand them.

Q: why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: to keep her ankles warm.

Q: why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: so she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: why does it work?
A: "does 3 come before e, between m and w, or at the end?"

Q: why does nasa hire peroxide blondes?
A: they're doing research on black holes.

Q: why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: they can't remember the number.

Q: why don't blondes double recipes?
A: the oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: why don't blondes eat ?
A: they can't figure out how to get two cups of water into Those little packages.

Q: why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: they don't know the route.

Q: why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini Skirts?
A: cause their balls show!

Q: why don't blondes like anal sex?
A: they don't like their brains being screwed with.

Q: why don't blondes like making kool-aid?
A: because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: they can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
A3: it's too tough to remember who she's with that day.

Q: why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: they chip their teeth.

Q: why don't blonds breast feed?
A: because they always burn their nipples.

Q: why don't they let blondes swim in the ocean?
A: because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: they both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: they both drip when they're fucked.

Q: why is a blonde like Australia?
A: they're both down under, and no one cares.

Q: why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: you can park in the handicap zone.

Q: why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: they don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: it swells at night.

Q: why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: it takes too long to retrain them.

Q: why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to england?
A: she found out big ben is only a clock.

Q: why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?
A: because she got an f in sex.

Q: why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: they keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: there's white-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: there's writing on the white-out.

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