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Joke Home > Bill Clinton Jokes > One-Liners

One-Liners

Total Views: 14,845 Last Updated: 10/13/2002 Number Votes: 509 | Average: 0.24

  • What's a popular game for White House interns? Swallow the Leader
  • What is Bill's idea of "safe sex"? A locked door
  • Clinton still maintains he was not lying . . . he was standing and she was kneeling
  • What is the difference between the Titanic and Bill Clinton? We know how many people went down on the Titanic!
  • If the skeletons in Bill Clinton's closet stood up at the same time...It would look like the Chinese Army!
  • What is Bill Clinton's favorite federal program? "Head" Start.
  • What did Monica tell friends when asked about her job at the White House? "It sucks!"
  • What will Johnny Cochran, Clinton's new lawyer, say to the jury? It's not a sin, if it don't go in!
  • What did Ted Kennedy say to Bill Clinton? What are you worried about? At least she's not dead.
  • What do Brett Favre and Monica have in common? They both blew the big one.
  • How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton? You've got Big Mac sauce and french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handling your job application.
  • Did you hear who Hillary is inviting to spend the night at the White House? Lorena Bobbitt
  • New Democratic slogan – WIN ONE FOR THE ZIPPER!
  • What did a famous psychic recently predict for Monica Lewinsky? You will go down in history.
  • What's the one thing that President Clinton did wrong in his illicit affairs? He didn't ask Teddy Kennedy to drive the women home.
  • What's the recipe for Clinton Stew? A little wiener in hot water
  • What do Jerry Ford and Al Gore have in common? They both got promoted because of crooked dicks.
  • Why doesn't Monica eat bananas? She can't find the zipper.
  • Why does Bill's limousine have a sunroof? More leg room
  • What was President Clinton's explanation for having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky? "Panetta told me she was the head intern!"
  • How did 500 women sampled at random respond when asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton? 86% responded "Not again!"
  • Clinton Presidential Anthem -- Kneel to the Chief.
  • What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate? At least this time there's no doubt about the identity of "Deep Throat."
  • Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff? She didn't understand what 'staff' he really meant.
  • Why is President Clinton waiting to tell his side of the story? He's waiting for Marv Albert to do the interview.
  • What was yesterday's Washington Post Headline? Bush Beats Clinton.
  • What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name? Unibanger.
  • What advice did Yasar Arafat give President Clinton in their Oval Office meeting last week? "Bill....Goats don't talk!!"
  • What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common? They both heard a giant sucking sound!
  • What did Buddy the Dog say to Clinton on hearing about Zippergate? "Do they serve Alpo in prison?"
  • If Ken Starr can extend his probe . . .Then what's wrong with Clinton doing the same thing?
  • Dick Nixon said "Your President is not a crook" Bill Clinton said " Your President's member is not crooked"
  • Why does Bill Clinton wish he were like Ted Kennedy? Because Kennedy has an ex-wife and a dead girlfriend.
  • The president said "a year and a half affair with Lewinsky would have been impossible -- I would have become bored and cheated on her after six months."
  • What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both upset when Bill finished first.
  • What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.
  • How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House? He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
  • So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come.
  • Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary? He wants to be on top.
  • How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down? He married her.
  • How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite? It Takes A Village!
  • How does Bill Clinton teach a woman to golf? He starts with the irons and ends up in the woods.
  • When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat? When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
  • "One thing's for sure about Clinton...He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
  • What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo? A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
  • What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin? A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
  • What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A dead girlfriend.
  • Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? To promote off-shore drilling.
  • What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play? Swallow the leader.
  • Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
  • Overheard at the White House Super Bowl XXXII party: "For the last time, Bill. It's not pronounced Triple-X? Aye, aye!"
  • President Clinton has vehemently denied that he told former intern Monica Lewinsky to lie. "What I actually said," claims the President, "was to lie down."
  • Today's headline read: "Clinton Probe Expands". It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.
  • Monica Lewinsky entered the White House to see Clinton's personal secretary. Hey, if that's what he wants to call it... Also he usually calls it his Chief of Staff.
  • Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex. Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.
  • Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling needs to be painted.
  • What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business? The Oral Office.
  • Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study? He wants to show them his executive branch.
  • Who is the only woman in the White House not sleeping with Clinton? Hillary
  • What are the job requirements for secretaries at the White House? They have to know the President's zip code.
  • In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the President... "I can't remember the details, she said, but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue!"
  • Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern? Practice.
  • Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.
  • Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dick"tation.
  • Seen on an Arkansas Car Bumper "Honk, if you haven't had sex with Bill Clinton"
  • Is it sexgate, zippergate, fornigate or what!

Bill Clinton Jokes > Joke 18 of 23 in the Bill Clinton Jokes category.
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