Home Page Funny Pictures Fun Pages Games Downloads Funny Post Cards Shop at Laughline.com
Email This Page to a Friend Join Our Email List
Joke Categories
Animal Jokes
Anna Nicole Smith Jokes
Bill Clinton Jokes
Bizarre News Stories
Black Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Blonde Q&A
Celebrity Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes
Computer Jokes
David Hasselhoff Jokes
Dirty Jokes
Drinking / Bar Jokes
Family Funnies
Foreign Jokes
Funny Pictures
George W Bush Jokes
Golf Jokes
Gross Jokes
Holiday Humor
Hurricane Katrina Jokes
Insults
Iraq Jokes
John Kerry Jokes
Knock Knock Jokes
Lawyer Jokes
Little Johnny Jokes
Medical Jokes
Men / Women Jokes
Michael Jackson Jokes
Miscellaneous Jokes
Mommy Mommy Jokes
Obama Jokes
Pickup Lines
Polish Jokes
Political Jokes
Priceless Pictures
Redneck Jokes
Relationships & Marriage
Religious Jokes
School Jokes
Sex Jokes
Sikh Jokes
Sports Jokes
Stupid Jokes
Terri Schiavo Jokes
Tsunami Jokes
Viagra
Work Jokes
Yo Mamma Jokes
Joke Search
 
Sponsor

Other Great Sites
Priceless Pictures
Sponsor

About Us
Register
Login
About This Site
Privacy Policy
Copyright Information
Contact Us
Advertising Information
Joke Home > Men / Women Jokes > Men and Women

Men and Women

Total Views: 6,167 Last Updated: 5/16/2002 Number Votes: 596 | Average: 0.00

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; it's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work; I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see; I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days; I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true; I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt; my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.

I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you can't see three inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb; I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side; I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball; I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see; forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true; I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

Men / Women Jokes > Joke 87 of 197 in the Men / Women Jokes category.
First | Previous | Next | Last

Rate This Joke
0 1 2 3 4 5
Worst Average Best
 

Send This Joke to a Friend
Your First Name:
Your Last Name:
Your Email Address:
  Friend's Name Friend's Email
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
Optional Comments:
 
May We Add You to Our Mailing List

(Please note that temporary cookies are used on this site to store your name and email address and to remember the last 5 people you emailed this joke to.  This information is only stored temporarily and removed once you exit the site.)

LoudOffice.com :: Boston Website Design